Letting Go of Insecurity to Take Back My Life
Updated: Mar 1
Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds! Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time - and return comments. This group is all about connecting! The awesome co-hosts for the March 1 posting of the IWSG are Diedre Knight, Tonya Drecker, Bish Denham, Olga Godim, and JQ Rose! March 1 question - Have you ever read a line in novel or a clever plot twist that caused you to have author envy?
Maybe? I can't think of any examples off the top of my head, but I'm sure it's happened. Or perhaps not. I was a reader for decades before getting serious about writing. As a devourer of books, I learned early to appreciate the variety of ways an author's imagination could take me on a journey. I still feel that way because I'll always be a reader, first and foremost.
I may have mentioned that I'm a people-pleaser at some point. However, only recently did I connect that trait with being insecure. It creates the perfect storm that leaves me feeling completely out of control of my own life. I will say yes to everyone so they like me and stay in my life. It also helps me feel noticed and needed. That might not sound like insecurity at first glance, but it is. I'm always looking to others for validation.
The last two years have been about taking small strides forward in recognizing when I'm doing something because I want to versus when I feel insecure in my relationship with someone or something.
Thing’s I’ve done in the name of insecurity related to writing, church, and life in general.
-Say yes to being in groups that don’t benefit me in any way. They only take up my time, zap my creativity, and twist my emotions.
-Agree to plan activities, workshops, community events, and conferences when I really don't have the bandwidth to add anything else.
-I've critiqued, edited, formatted, or in other words, spent hours or days helping others with their stories over and over with no reciprocation or payment when I should have been focused on my own stories.
-Generally, I've put my goals and writing last because my insecurity demanded I seek validation from others to feel good about myself.
What I’m doing to fix it.
-I'll put my family and career first.
-I'll cull all the time-consuming activities that are to please others that give me no joy.
-I'll practice looking inward for my validation. Hubby and I have started going to yoga a few times a week to practice being still, shutting out the rest of the world, and recognizing what is happening in our thoughts and bodies.
Does this mean I’ll never do any of the things on the first list? Of course not. I will continue to support my friends and community when time and mental energy allows. I’ll continue encouraging others on their writing journey because that’s part of my personality. However, those things will be on my terms as I am able, not out of the need to feel important.
And yes, I know that is way easier to say than to do. Even writing my lists has guilt fluttering in my gut!