20 Author Imposter

Charity: Yeah, this is Loose Leaf, a multi-author podcast journal, where we talk about goals, the ups and downs of writing and where we try to warn you off of our greatest pitfalls. We'll keep it short because you don't have much time and we'd rather be writing. Welcome back to loose-leaf I'm charity. I write science fiction and clean contemporary romance.

HIllary: And I'm Hillary. I write sweet, clean contemporary romance as well. All those little adjectives that make it awesome and cozy mysteries. 

Charity: Carol's not here, but, uh, hopefully he will be back with us next time. 

HIllary: Those are adjectives, right? Yes. 

?: Yes. Okay. Just checking. Okay. So maybe we need to bring them right before we pushed the 

Charity: record.

We were talking 

?: about. Uh, 

HIllary: imposter syndrome essentially. Yeah. Feeling like we aren't doing this author thing. Right. Sometimes it's just one of those weeks, I think. 

?: Uh, and I reminded her 

Charity: that, uh, Tracy Abramson told us there is no wrong way to do it. So maybe we needed to share that with you today, since it's on our mind, 

HIllary: you know, but start with our goals.

Um, last week, I think the only real goals I set was to finish my, both my novellas this month. And I am in the process of that have not finished them yet. I actually, uh, kind of adapted that in my mind. I, my adjusted goal is to finish revising the story, which was also one of my goals. I've narrowed it down to just revising that and finishing my cozy mystery.

I am going to put my other little novella off and I may get to it in November if I finished nano quickly and I may not, but nice. Um, that's my revised role is the cozy mystery, which I really do need to get done in October and revising because that should have done last month, 

Charity: but you're in process, which is great.

That's moving forward. That's moving 

HIllary: forward. How are you doing with your goals? 

Charity: Pretty good. I w. 

HIllary: I see, have you gotten any science fiction writing 

Charity: that that may have to wait for for November 1st and nano, um, science fiction one? Yes. I'm going to do the, the refugee 

HIllary: and rebel

Charity: princess your way. Yeah. Nana, my way rebuilt in so many ways.

Yes. And I'm so ready. Um, so I am in the process of revising. At Christmas proposal, it is a short novella that is up for pre-order coming out on November 13th. So got 

?: to get done and there were pre-orders 

Charity: purchased. So I have to finish this. That's awesome though. 

?: It's great. But it's also like, Ooh, pressure.

I'm not sure I can't back out. 

Charity: I can't back out now. Um, It's completed. And I was sitting down to revise and it's turning into a rewrite. 

?: So 

HIllary: I was like, well, that was a great little exercise 

?: of writing a story. Let's try again. Exactly, 

Charity: exactly. And, you know, that's, that's how it goes sometimes. So I've had some good feedback from a writers group.

So I feel like I'm moving in the right direction. Yeah. It's just sitting down and doing the work, which is part of what we talked about. Before we hit play with the imposter syndrome is there's no wrong way to do it. If you're willing to sit down and do the work, because either you will or you won't.

HIllary: Yeah. I think all of that's just really kind of scary. Sometimes. I think you get into this and you're, you're all in your head and telling yourself there's. A right way and a wrong way. And there really isn't. I don't know. I feel like all these amazing authors that I meet, they all were like, they have the stories in their heads already.

They all already want to do this. They've wanted to do it forever. I say that because when I was a kid, I did write stories. I mean, I, into my little construction paper books, my mom would give us a writing prompt and all my, because I was homeschooled and my mom would give us a writing prompt and all my brothers and sisters would sit down and write their little paragraph or two and be done with their story.

And I'd be filling out the whole page and writing to begin to take the time the timer went off. Nice, which is fun. And I love those stories because I do know that writing is a part of you, which is a little bit reassuring 

?: it's in there. 

HIllary: I like it, but, um, it's hard for me. Writing is hard and I feel sometimes I do stress.

It I'm like, this is like not natural for me. Why is it not natural for me? And I feel like I must be doing something wrong because everybody else is like, These stories just flow from me. They're just part of who I am. And I just am like trying to beat this story out of beat with a pencil. And 

?: it's terrible.

Charity: I'm with you though. I mean, when people say, yeah, I sat down and I can write about three or 4,000 words. An hour. I'm like, Oh man. Wow. I like, um, no, I'm like on the best of days, I can get a thousand an hour and that's a really good day when the is flowing. But most of the time I feel like you, like, I'm pulling it

HIllary: out.

Well, well, I guess that's the draft for me too. The on sometimes I can get a thousand or 1500 in an hour and I, yeah, it is still kind of pulling the story out, but I feel like those are good days. Like I'm getting pretty good writing done at that point. Um, but it is, it is still super sketchy that I have to go back and be like, now, how do I tame this schedule?

Yes. It's just hard and it's scary. And I think, okay. Oh, so that's going back, like way, way back in my life. One of the things I learned, my family is very entrepreneurial. And one of the things that I decided a long time ago is the difference between successful people and not successful people is the successful people do it.

Yeah. That's really the only difference. It's not, there's gifted people and people have these amazing talents and this amazing opportunity and they know wonderful things and they can do wonderful things. But it does not matter if they have all of this great talent and they sit there and they don't do it.

Right. And yet there's people that you look out there and you can do these great things and you see people with businesses doing it, and you're like, I can do it better than them. Why are they the ones that are successful as well? Because they did it. They did it 

Charity: exactly what what's the saying? Um, it's 1% talent, 99%.

HIllary: Go get 'em. 

Charity: I'll have to look that up. I'm like, I 

HIllary: know there's a say, look in the little credits down there. There'll be a quote. You,

?: my brain is just not 

Charity: fair right now, but I know there's something about that. 

HIllary: Or, you know, maybe totally, it sounds very familiar. Um, and that's really true. And those are the kinds of things that make me go, okay.

I might have a shot at this, but I just, Oh. Sometimes I just feel so lost and so completely, like, it's just not. Maybe it's not meant to be, but then I have to sit there and remind myself and go, no, I believe in myself. I believe I can do this. I have enough talent. To make this happen. And then I have to go tell my husband that because he forgets, sometimes 

?: there's a reason I'm doing this.

I'm not sure what it is yet, but there's a recent 

Charity: and with a little support we're going 

HIllary: to get there. Sometimes that support has to come from me though. So he's actually been really supportive and really great, which is amazing. That does not always happen, but he's been really good. And, um, now, right now that.

That lack of support is probably coming from my side. So I need to make sure I'm buffering and just keep working, keep putting my fingers to the keyboard, keep doing the dumb rewrites if that's what it requires and doing my best and getting it out there and trying to deal with all of the stuff. So, yes.

Yes, pep talk for your morning. Here we go. 

Charity: We're actually sitting here and the cute tiny house that our friend Donna lets us borrow. We 

HIllary: love Donna. We out shout out to Donna 

Charity: and, uh, we're going to right when we log off of here. And I actually spent some time with Donna this morning before you arrived, Hillary.

And she. Is a writer she's normally done technical stuff and she has this novel. She wants to write. And she was talking about how for her it's hard because she wants, she's used to the technical side. She doesn't know how to let go of reality. And as she says, it. Allow herself to tell lies. 

HIllary: Funny. I like that.

?: Yes. 

HIllary: This is my business of telling lies 

?: to the world. So we were trying to figure out how I could help her. And so 

Charity: what we're going to do is she's supposed to write one scene every week and send it to me because she's got this great idea and she just needs to. To do it, but it's like she won't allow herself to do it.

?: Just tell lies.

Charity: She's like, it has to be, she's like I could stand up and teach you about anything I've ever seen. I learned I can research it, do it, give a presentation. But she was telling me a story about when she was in high school and she liked to stay after school. And she was always there to help her two best friends who were in theater, but she wasn't, you know, that kind of person.

And she would help behind the scenes with sets and. Stage directions and stuff. And one day her, her teacher was like, okay, I want you to try out for this part and had totally freaked out. And, and her teacher worked with, through some exercises and said, you've got great projection. You know, you've got great presence.

You're going to be wonderful at this and handed her the part to read. And when she finished, the teacher said you are the best stage manager. We've

?: People are going to be out there looking at me, going 

Charity: that's Donna, 

?: pretending to be something 

Charity: she's not kind of goes back to your 

?: imposter theory. 

HIllary: It is, but I love theater because I got to get up there and 

?: be whoever I want. I don't have to be me anymore. That's hilarious. 

HIllary: But that does totally finished.

It said imposter syndrome coming from all different angles. So she feels like she has all this knowledge, but then to go and. Pretend like she's something different and still an 

Charity: imposter. Yeah. So we all have it from one side or 

?: another, just pretending to know me too. That's why we have to go, which is not enough.

Absolutely true. 

Charity: Oh my goodness. So, uh, whatever is holding you back, whatever's making you feel like you're an imposter. We just have to figure out what side you're coming from and how we can help you get around that. Um, Donna's going to sign up for NaNoWriMo. She is, she's going to sign up. Um, and I told her, and I'll tell everybody out there listening.

If you want to join us, uh, for our group, you may have to send me a note because Hillary looked and couldn't 

HIllary: find it. Yeah, there's a loose-leaf group. But if you can find charity slash river or Hillary Sperry, he is the most boring username ever. I think they assigned it to me, but Hey, so to send a request.

Charity: Yeah. And then we can add you to the group. And I actually bought some NaNoWriMo swag. So at the end of the month, everybody that's in our group. 

?: If nobody joins us, if we thought 

HIllary: our groups. So maybe only a few of you, 

?: that's all right. Really 

Charity: one of the coffee mugs and a bag. And if I may pick up. Maybe we'll just 

HIllary: do a drawing or something.

Charity: Yeah, that'd be cool. That's what I was thinking is we'd but if we have a little joke, then 

HIllary: everybody

?: gets . 

Charity: Yeah. So I thought that would be fun. Something fun that we could do. 

HIllary: That'll be cool. Honestly, I'm just kind of excited that we're doing nano this year. It's something that's always been there and I'm always like, Oh, that's a great idea.

But I don't know. I don't really have time and I still don't really have time, but it's, you guys have helped us commit to this. And so it's like, all right, we're 

Charity: doing this. Well, I'm thinking about it. You just said on your really good days, you might get 1500 words in an hour. That's plenty enough. So you could do an hour, hour and a half a day and complete now.

HIllary: Yeah. I've never actually wanted Neto. And this is your year. This is my year. This is your year. 

Charity: Well, and it's okay if you don't get 50, because. I have lots of times on there. I'm 

HIllary: getting 50. You're going to get it. Okay. I did 50,000 in a week at the beginning of this year when we did our first one that's ghost of levels with written the draft of it in a week.

That's 

?: awesome. Yeah. So that's 

HIllary: why I'm like, if I have an, I do have a retreat in November. Yeah. So I'm going to go, I'm going to get it done. And then. I will have time to write my novella 

?: in November. You can get it all done. 

HIllary: Yeah. I was going to write a book a month this year. That didn't happen. 

Charity: Well, you know, if you drafted a really crummy version, you can probably 

?: do it.

HIllary: Okay. But not published. 

Charity: Um, anyway. Cool. Cool. Moving on. All right. Well that's I guess, uh, new goals. No goals 

HIllary: or like what, we're going to talk about what we want, what we learned. Yeah. What did you learn from your writing this month? 

Charity: So this month, the biggest takeaway I think I've had is if I'm consistent, it gets easier.

Oh, I like it. Um, because most of this year I have not been consistent and I've, it's felt like drudgery and I didn't like that feeling. Um, I missed the feeling of. When you're really in it, there's kind of this euphoria of, Oh my gosh, I'm doing it. Uh, and I miss that. And so since we've started this podcast and meeting regularly, I've been writing more consistently and I'm kind of getting that feeling back and it's good.

It's a confidence booster, which I think we all need. 

HIllary: That's awesome. I'd say for me, what I have learned. I have not been doing a ton of writing, I guess maybe what I've learned as something that we talked about earlier as well, where it's okay to be human, that sometimes we can get lots of words done and do our 50,000 in a week.

And sometimes we have a lot of life happening and. This month. I have a lot of life happening. And last month I had a lot of writer life happening, but it wasn't even my writer life. It 

?: was someone else's 

Charity: but you were the understudy I was interested in. 

HIllary: Yeah. But it's just, it's okay to have these other things and I've still been working on my writing, but it's a little bit, yeah.

And it's because of the podcast really. I mean, they keep me going with this and needing having something to report. And so I'll do blocking, or I'll do some revisions or I'll do something like that, but I'm not getting as much done as I would like, but I've got stuff going on with my kids. And I sent kids to college and we have birthdays that are happening and I have church things that are going on and those things are important too.

And I think, I hope. I assume, I don't know if I should say hope, but a lot of us have more to us than just our writing. Right. I mean, there's other things that fill us and other things that are important and it's okay to not throw those to the wayside, just so you can pound out the words and through your book out there to the world.

Charity: So, yeah, and I think ultimately all those things are what make us unique and what will make our writing richer and better for having. It caused the writing yeah. To experience life and, and live it fully being in that moment. Yeah. 

HIllary: That's exciting. I think that's something else that I've learned about me.

Just like in general, as a, I'm kind of an in the moment, kind of a girl, I very much am like, Hey, we're here right now. Let's be happy. Yeah. And that's, that's something that I, I kind of appreciate about myself. That's, there's so many things that can drag us down and. Make us feel bad there's way, way enough of those.

So it's kind of nice to be able to every once in a while, just be like, Hey, it's okay. This is where we are right now. Let's just be happy. 

Charity: Yeah. I actually love that idea. And I would like to challenge anybody who might be listening. Shoot us a note. Uh, my email is charity.Bradford@gmail.com and tell us one thing.

You love about yourself. It doesn't even have to be writing related, but maybe let's generate some, some self-love this week and Oh. And share it. And then 

HIllary: what's one thing you love about yourself. Charity. 

Charity: I don't give up. That is so 

HIllary: true. 

Charity: I think we're horrible person. Cause you know, like you said, there's a lot of stuff to drag us down and uh, and my study this year has been trying to be more confident and I'm like, I don't give up.

Even when I fell, pick myself up and let's try it again. You're 

HIllary: embracing failure. That is one of my favorites. I don't saying I'm good at that. It's a favorite thing about other people, 

?: but you know, it's 

Charity: okay to embrace failure and go. 

HIllary: It's important. It's not only okay. It's important. Yeah. So yeah. That's good job.

Yeah. So powerful. We weren't powerful too 

Charity: out there, friends. Yeah. Yes. And share that with us. Sheriffs was what you love about yourself and, uh, we'll bring a couple of them up. Next time that we meet this podcast should be going live on the 28th. So before we end, I wanted to give one of my favorite NaNoWriMo tips on how to survive Halloween candy.

?: I just bought up and lots of it because 

Charity: it all goes on sale 75% off on November 

?: 1st. So you go buy a big bag of deniers. Yes. Maybe two bags, nano 

HIllary: supplies,

?: and you hide it from the rest of your family.

HIllary: Did your goals change at all for next week? No. Um, 

Charity: money there where I'm at, I still have, uh, Hopefully by the time this goes live on the 28th, I will have accomplished the goal of rewriting a Christmas proposal. And so it will be finished this story and then take a much needed short 

HIllary: break. I have, I have some of my nano story.

Uh, pre-written a little bit, but it's not really written. It's mostly like heavy blocking, so I need to finish, blocking out the story so I can go back and write it. 

Charity: Yeah. I'm excited. I'm so excited to start and hear how everybody's doing with their project and nano and 

HIllary: yeah, my, my goals haven't changed either.

I'm still on finish novella, finished revising. And those need to be done in October. So pray for me, please. All right. Yeah. That's pretty much it. So good luck to you 

Charity: too. And I was just gonna say, well, we're ready to get writing so all our guys can 

?: keep writing or start writing.

HIllary: I started, I actually found my old profile. I went searching. I'm like, I 

?: know this is not the only time I've done this. Cause it's like how many words written 

HIllary: zero? I'm like, that's cruel. That's just cruel. But I did go looking and I found my old profile and it was interesting because it has my very first story on there as my announced project.

And I'm like, Ooh, I started that one on here, but I didn't finish. So, you know, I do actually have more words than that written at this point. I mean, it's basically a full draft at least of the first volume 

?: of the episode, the first book. 

HIllary: Yeah. The first book is basically a full draft and, um, it's kind of fun to see it on there.

It's only, uh, like 15,000 words or something that's on there though. That's recorded so more than zero. Yeah. 

?: That's awesome.